Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Rules for the Real Worlders

Hi! Thanks for stopping by. Here are some ground rules, if I know you in real life.

1. Yes, I probably blogged about you.

Don't like it? Tough.

I blog about my life. You're part of my life, so you're fair game. If you and I do something you don't want your mom to know about, you shouldn't have given your mom this blog address. I haven't given it to mine.

If I've posted a picture of you, though, that you would rather not have floating around in cyberspace, let me know. I'll take down the picture or put a blue dot on your face or something.

2. Hey, that's mean.

If I hurt your feelings with something on the blog, allow me to belatedly or pre-emptively apologize.

A. I'm sorry.

B. I wasn't actually talking about you. It was my other friend Beverly. Whose home I visited on Thursday night. At 8pm. Really. I went to her house after I left yours. Funny coincidence, huh?

C. Get over yourself already, for the love of god.

How's this for mean? "Your blog is a strange combination of boring and overly personal." This is my biggest worry about what I write.

3. That looks familiar. Did you write that to me in an email?

Probably. And then I wrote a post about it. It's not plagiarism if I steal it from myself.

4. Why isn't there more about me in the blog?

A. Because this blog is about me, dammit. Get your own blog.

B. You're just not that interesting. Do something noteworthy or amusing and I'll write about you. That goes for you, too, Lumpyhead.

I don't use anyone's last name in the blog, and I might have used a nickname for you. Don't like your nickname? Too bad. It's what we all call you behind your back anyway. So now you know.

Electricyoak, I'm planning to post some of our IM conversations at some point, because our IM conversations crack my shit up.


Please please please leave comments. It makes me very happy, and reassures me that someone is reading my endless babbling. (Honestly, you don't even have to read the blog entry when I get boring. Just leave a comment and I'll be delighted and glow like a firefly all day.)


The internet can be a scary place, though, so I've chosen not to use my name, the baby's name, or Bump's. Please use our handles when making comments, or I'll delete your ass.

Don't be mean.

Only I get to be mean. Okay, you can be a little mean. But just be aware that if you leave a snarky comment about Ashley's new haircut, Ashley may stop by and see it. She didn't sign up for meanness, so I may delete your ass.

As Amalah says, "Freedom of speech is awesome, but ruling your own comment section with an iron fist is awesomer." Indeed. By the way, if you don't read Amalah, you should. She also cracks my shit up.


Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I like it when you blog about me.

But, I could be an exception.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Oh wait, I'm not a real worlder am I?

Jess Riley said...

How could I have missed your blog? I love it!

I could weep for the truth you speak in this post. A good real-worlder friend of mine recently stopped reading my blog because she read WAAAAY too much into a post I wrote that had nothing to do with her. I shudder to imagine her response if I actually DID write an innocuous story involving her.

tammy said...

I love reading your blog!

Aunt Bob said...

Glad you finally came out. I had suspected you were out in blog land for a while. The wider world deserves your insights -- after all, you crack my shit up nearly every day. And don't worry, I don't think you say anything here you wouldn't say sitting at my kitchen table. (Then again, what wouldn't you say at my kitchen table.)

Anyway, you need to quit blogging and help me figure out the rules for the wine pool.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Wine pool?

I like Aunt Bob already.

Melissa said...

I found your blog from Sarah's. You crack me up. This post was so freaking funny. Can I steal some of it. Ok, maybe not.

Lance said...

I found your blog through Sarah's blog. Then I liked it so much I linked to it from my blog. Then I read it and laughed and now I feel like a stalker because I have links to yours, Becky's and Sarah's blogs on my blog.

I admit I am a blog stalker though. At least my wife thinks I am. No wait, I am. Wait, I'm not sure. Yes I am.

macboudica said...

This is a great post! I am totally going to steal some of it for my blog! Just kidding. Your blog is really funny. Not kidding.