Friday, March 10, 2006

69 Things

Because I couldn't think of 100, and 69 is funny. Heh heh, 69.

1. Sarah and I are going to meet.

2. When we do, we’re going to blog about it.

3. We might post pictures of us having a grand time.

4. You’ll be sooo jealous.

5. Cuz we’ll be all: she’s even cooler than her blog!

6. And you’ll want to be our friend.

7. We’ll say, “Of course you can be our friend!”

8. “We love everybody!”

9. But we won’t really mean it.

10. We’ll pretend to mean it

11. and fool you by exchanging light-hearted emails,

12. maybe even setting up a time to meet.

13. But we’ll have last-minute excuses.

14. Like, “I can’t find a babysitter.”

15. Or, “My son needs butt surgery.”

16. And you’ll believe us.

17. You’ll check our blogs to see if we’ve mentioned you.

18. But we’ll be snickering

19. about how gullible you are.

20. We’ll sneer how we really don’t like your blog very much

21. even though we both said we did.

22. We don’t even read your blog,

23. unless you’ve just left a comment on ours.

24. Mostly because, that one time?

25. on your blog?

26. you spelled “receive” wrong.

27. But you noticed it right away

28. and changed it

29. and republished.

30. But we caught it, and we took note.

31. We said to each other, “Did you see how dumb that chick is?”

32. “And how she tried to fix that typo right away?”

33. Ha ha ha ha ha

34. Yeah, we’re still mocking you for that.

35. Oh, and another thing?

36. All the other bloggers out there are making humongo wads of cash from their ads.

37. They're supporting their families,

38. paying for fabulous vacations,

39. and migrating from blogspot to their own domain names.

40. The ones who aren’t doing that

41. are sorting through the flood of book deals they’ve been offered.

42. Everyone,

43. that is,

44. except you.

45. Because their blogs are fantastic

46. and well-written

47. and funny.

48. Their blogs are deeply moving,

49. or heart-wrenching,

50. or capture some universal truth.

51. Not like yours.

52. You just yammer on about stuff you think is humorous,

53. or cute stuff your kid did,

54. or things you think about.

55. You discuss issues no one cares about.

56. No one shares your view.

57. You’re unburdening your conscience

58. or working out your petty problems.

59. Those other people?

60. They have real blogs

61. with gobzillions of readers and linky-love and shit.

62. No one reads your site.

63. Those comments you’re leaving all over the place?

64. They’re not witty

65. or wry

66. or endearing

67. or poignant

68. enough to get people to click over to you.

69. You’re just word-farting all over the internet and no one cares.

Okay, none of this is true. Except for the meeting Sarah part. That’s true. Oh, and the butt surgery thing.

Your blog is great. Really.

Descent into Self-Blogellation

The above reflects my doubts about my blog. People write what I mean before I do, more eloquently and with great humor. I’m blogging between waiting for the copier and bites of lunch, thinking of posts in the car. Others are blogging with huge readerships and hundreds of people who heart them and hang on their every word.

I should comment on other blogs more, but I always end up starting a comment and then deleting it. Either other commenters have already said what I want to say, or my comment is just dumb. Why would the author care what I have to say? I only have a handful of readers. (gratuitous aside: who are all great, of course. mwah mwah mwah)

What’s with this high-school insecurity?

Why do all the cool blog kids seem to be hanging out with each other? Am I missing something? Am I missing something I didn’t even care about before, but now that I know about it, I’m all antsy?

Since I'm meeting Sarah, does that mean I'm cool?

It makes me feel cool, so there. mneeeyah. Take that, blogging insecurities!


Dutch said...

#33 is my favorite.

Heather said...

When I got to number 26 I thought, "Oh man, was that me?"

I too suffer from start-a-blog-and-suddenly-care-about-the-blog-world. I try to hit post on my comments before re-reading them or else I would never make a peep.

I think meeting Sarah might get you onto the blogosphere cheerleading squad. Or at least get you a date to the blogarama spring dance. Both of which are far cooler than my current spot on the blogblog yearbook committee.

You will have to let us know if you head explodes from the blog/real-life intersection.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Yeah, hanging out with Sarah makes you cool.

This is anonymous, right?

Daddy L said...

I read your blog. But I'm not cool. Maybe you're guilty by association.

Geeze, this is like high school all over again.

tammy said...

I hang out with Sarah & I'm still not cool.

But I think you are one of the cool kids. And I read your blog. And I am not going to delete this comment.

Peter said...

I feel the just as inadequate, but I just keep blogging along.

Melissa said...

Damm, for a minute there, I thought you were talking about me. Hell, maybe you were. I think we all feel like that somedays. Well.. except maybe Dooce. I could be wrong though.

Becky said...

Leave it to Dutch. He made me go back and look.

ha ha

Figured I'd come here to check for ransom notes and demands since someone cut power to Sarah's blog.

laurie said...

oh man -- i can't believe you read my blog before i made that correction.

oh. wait. no. i get it. you're writing about yourself haha. you've never read my blog haha.

hello. i'm new here. love your blog. great writing. funny. sharp. also, you've chosen my favorite blogger template, so doesn't that make your day? yeah, i knew it would.