Friday, March 26, 2010

I Is Relly Smart

I have grumbled for years that DC drivers can't cope with weather. Morons drive around in snow with no clue what they're doing, going way too fast or way too slow. The smallest bit of rain inevitably snarls traffic. I can understand why snow would be a problem, but why is rain so hard?

It occurred to me for the first time this morning: it's probably not the precipitation, it's probably the extra drivers on the road.

If it's an option, people who might otherwise walk or bike or take public transit get in their cars when it rains. The ten or fifteen or twenty dollars (or whatever it costs these days. I work on the Hill, remember, I'm supposed to be out of touch) to park your car in the office garage is worth not having to wait for the bus in the rain.

Has this been obvious to everyone else, for like, forever? You can get back to me on that, because now I'm busy investigating Pope Benedict's religion, if the sky is indeed up, and whether or not bears defecate in forests and other wooded areas.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Cruise Ship Haircut

Nathan Jr needed a haircut badly. It was only $15, so we got it done on the boat.
This is Nathan Jr with his grandmother, before the haircut, looking scraggly.

This is the lovely woman who gave my baby his first haircut.

She was very sweet, and very worried about making him cry.
He wiggled and squirmed and we juggled and bounced, but lo, he did not cry.

And it looked pretty good.

Even the next day.

Until it got wet. 
(Nathan Jr took an unexpected dip in the pool on our first shore excursion. Unexpected for me, that is. He very much meant to go in when he did.)

A few minutes later, starting to look a little . . . off.

Three days later, looking like a hot mess.

There were whole sections the very sweet boat stylist missed. The back pieces that tend to stick up stuck up at vastly differing lengths. He reminded me of Kate Gosselin. I tried to even it out a bit myself, but it was clearly a disaster. Nathan Jr didn't cry during his first haircut, but he got a lousy haircut.

What? Really?

Yesterday I resolved to fix that catastrophe on Nathan Jr's head.

This is the committed professional who fixed my baby's first haircut.

This stylist wasn't so worried about the child crying. She wasn't crazy about it, but she was more concerned about giving him a decent haircut.

The result was impeccable. Nathan Jr cried the whole time.

He cried the second we plopped him into the chair. I held him on my lap and he threw a fit. Afterward I took him outside to try to calm him down and he sank to the concrete sidewalk and wailed. He screamed while I paid the Committed Professional (and tipped her mightily for the hazardous duty). He wept all the way home. He sobbed while I gave him a bath, which was necessary because no mere cape could contain the hair clippings that flew while he fish flopped, red-faced and angry.

Perhaps I was mourning the loss of my wonderful, wonderful hair, Mother. Did you ever consider that?

It's impeccable, but it is very, very short.

Drooleykins, the Buzz Cut King of Molarville

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Help Me Out Here

Look, I travel in pretty liberal circles. Most people I know think like I do.

But I understand those who disagree. I know that many smart, kind, loving people really believe in lower taxes and smaller government. I respect that. (I also know that it's easy to beat the shit out of someone who thinks education should be handled on the local level by painting that person as "opposed to education funding.")

I understand the political realities that have given us huge deficits, low taxes, and lots of government spending.

I am painfully well-informed and like to think I'm open-minded.

But I don't understand the opposition to health care reform.

At all.

I mean, I get the policitally motivated "capitalize on the frightened, misinformed electorate" sentiment. I think it's irresponsible, but I understand the political calculation.

I know we often think that if people who disagree with us just understood the issue, they would agree with us. I know that belief is usually misplaced. It leads to shouting and anger and hatred.

But I don't understand the well-informed, thoughtful, well-reasoned other side of this. Is there one?

Someone help me.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Phoning It In

I know, I know. It's really stuff on the baby's face, not his head. And these photos are from, like, December.

Please ignore the snot and the klassy klothesline.

I tried to photoshop out the snot, but there's not much I can do about the klassy.


Oh look, she figured out how to move the damn laundry before taking a picture. Here. You want one?

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Same Time Every Year

Why does February fly by, while March stretches on forever?

One day it's February 20 and two seconds later I realize it's March 2nd and I yelp curse words and scramble to pay bills and arrange other first-of-the-month things. Then, vowing to never let that happen again, I carefully watch the calendar to ensure I handle things at the end of the month like I'm supposed to.

So on March 15 I start thinking "Okay, I'm gonna need to take care of that stuff soon." But 63 days later it's somehow only March 20 and I'm all "WHAT THE HELL, CALENDAR?"

This happens to you too, right? How can only a couple of days make such a difference? I don't have this problem on 30-day months.

Oh com'on. You know it happens to you, too. Maybe you haven't noticed it before, but trust me, sometime around March 28 you're gonna be all "That Lumpyhead's Mom, man, she's a fucking prophet."

Wednesday, March 03, 2010


Work is crazy, Nathan Jr was sick, and I'm still trying to get my head on straight from our vacation.

The kids' passports inexplicably arrived on time and without incident, a happy coincidence Bump and I are still marveling over. Good thing, too, because we needed them exactly ZERO times on the trip.

The tormentors loved spending time with their cousins, enjoyed the ports of call, and adored the on-board children's program (supervised on-board kid activities - i.e. "drop 'em off and have a few hours to yourself" - Bump and I were big fans, too).

Other than the seasick, I had a great time.

Can't say I enjoyed the seasick.

But! Did you know that the Tampa airport has a great children's play area? Well, it does.

Entertaining the monkeys at National Airport

Entertaining the monkeys at the Tampa airport.

The Tampa airport totally wins.

So, to recap the lessons learned on this trip: 1) use Tampa if your travel plans take you to Florida and 2) being seasick sucks.

(Yes, I suspected I would get seasick. In the past I have remedied seasickness by being drunk or asleep while on a boat. I tried the behind-the-ear scopolamine patch this time, and I did not feel disgustingly nauseous between the vomiting episodes, so I guess the patch worked.)