Hey Dumbass

A recurring segment of the blog in which I answer advice columnists' mail. This letter is from Ask Amy, published January 17, 2006

Dear Amy: I have been married for 10 years and have three young children.

I am not one to complain to others about my husband. However, I often hear many of the same complaints (that I internalize) from everyone: He never picks up after himself, he leaves dirty socks on the floor, he lets the kids run crazy and has no idea of what the house rules are.

All he does on weekends is sit and watch football.

How can so many women have the same complaints?

Why do so many men think there is a magic fairy who is going to pick up after them?

Did indulgent mothers create this behavior? Shouldn't there be a universal solution by now?

Maybe this is why the divorce rate is so high, and maybe this is also why kids are so obese and messed up (Dad is always sitting around, and Mom and Dad are never on the same page).

I love my husband, but his behavior drives me nuts!

I saw the movie "Spanglish." Most critics really ripped on the mother. However, I thought both the mother and the father were pathetic parents, but I also felt that it was somewhat realistic in how parents are so disconnected today. Any advice?

-- Frustrated Spouse

Dear Dumbass,

You're not one to complain about your husband, unless it's to a nationally syndicated columnist and you can smear him as a lazy oaf and bad father. I'm not even touching the "Spanglish" item - I've seen bad movies, too, but I don't use them to explain social trends. Good god woman, what's wrong with you?

"House rules"? Perhaps he has no idea what they are because you made them all. Without any input from him. His house rules seem to be "let the kids blow off some steam while I watch the game" and he seems to be following them just fine.

Maybe his dirty socks aren't a big deal to him. It's not indulgent mothers that create slobs, it's people who really don't mind living in filth. You married one. Either resign yourself to picking up after him, resort to living in filth yourself, or find some happy medium whereby he picks some of his stuff up, or at least leaves it in a place where you can't see it. You might try actually talking to the man instead of griping to an advice columnist.

Now if he's leaving his crap around the house and then complaining about what a mess it is, may he be sentenced to Adam Sandler and/or Tea Leoni movies for the rest of his natural life.