Wednesday, August 23, 2006

There's a Wocket in my Pock -- Shit.

Maybe this is an old rant, but I'm going to make it again: Why are there no pockets in maternity clothes?

If you're silly enough to get knocked up, is it assumed you will no longer need to carry items on your person? If you're carrying another person inside you, is it assumed you will have someone else hold any item you might need? (Okay, I do this. I make Bump hold/tote all my stuff.)

Are designers worried about ruining the "line" in maternity wear? Because, line? Please. There is no line. I'm a fat lady. Give me a damn pocket.

Adding to the insult - or maybe just to piss me off even further - little boys' clothes have tons of pockets.

Seriously. Tons. Even the baby stuff.

A baby? Why, yes. A baby will need pockets for lot of things. Rocks, sticks, that hot chick's phone number, etc. But a grown woman? A grown woman who doesn't want to carry her entire briefcase around the office all the time? A grown woman on her way to the carryout who really just needs some cash and maybe her work ID? Why the hell would she need a pocket?

In a single pair of pants, Lumpyhead could carry his wallet, keys, cellphone, work ID, spare change, and a condom all in separate pockets. Lumpyhead's cargo shorts: 6 pockets. My pants: 0 pockets.

I discovered this weekend that his swim trunks have a little mesh coin pocket on the waistband.

A coin pocket!

AAAHHH!

It's one thing when the pockets are decorative, to make his little pants look like grownup clothes. But the mesh pocket is on the inside of his swim trunks. No one can see it but his already-pissy-about-the-pocket-issue mother as she's putting them on.

He has three pairs of swim trunks. Two of them have an interior mesh pocket. The third is an unlined pair of board shorts, and they have pockets on the outside.

Baby swim trunks: pockets. My capri pants: nada.

Yes, I could carry a purse, but I can barely keep track of my watch right now, which spends most of its time attached to my wrist. I'm supposed to remember where I put a purse from one moment to the next?

Dammit.

12 comments:

E :) said...

LOL!

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I never noticed it before (or maybe I figured my maternity clothes were stretched to their limits without pockets) but now that you mention it, it is total bullshit.

Do you want me to write hate mail to Motherhood and Pea in a Pod?

Melissa said...

Hilarious, but true. Unequal pocket distribution: one of the great enduring injustices of our time.

So, um, if you don't mind my asking, since it's clearly not in your pocket, where ARE you keeping that wocket?

nonlineargirl said...

I initially read the line about "carrying another person inside you...you will have someone else hold any item" as suggesting that your passenger would hold on to your keys, wallet etc.

Auntly H said...

Could I make a million adding custom pockets to "ready-to-wear" maternity clothes? Or at least enought to temporarily quit my job and follow my husband to Vienna?

Mom at Work said...

Auntly H - I would have paid a high price for pockets when I was pregnant. Also for full sleeves. (The maternity-industrial complex must believe that all pregnant women want to show off their fabulous forearms in 3/4 sleeves.

Violet said...

I never had that problem - my maternity jeans all had pockets where you'd expect to find 'em on jeans, and my maternity cargo pants had more pockets than I knew what to do with. Tops were a different matter, but then you wouldn't normally find many pockets on tops anyway. I got most of my stuff from Egg, which is a NZ brand. Is it available where you are?

Veronica Mitchell said...

I read your first line and said YESS!!! I hate the pocketless maternity clothes, of which I have many.

The one maternity item of mine that has large, ample pockets? A nightgown. For carrying my keys, I guess.

Gidge said...

If you were actually going to WRITE hate mail to Pea in a Pod and Motherhood maternity, first off it should be that they don't carry anything LIKE plus size maternity clothes......as though we fatties don't GET pregnant. Pockets be damned, I would just have liked to have have more than two pair of PANTS for 6 months.
Also - I always assumed all those pockets on the boys pants and shorts were for condoms and smokes.
Oh and a lighter.
You need a lighter for your smokes.

mo-wo said...

I am with you!.. in defense I have started using my daughters pockets

Ken and Belly said...

I commandeer my husband's pockets when we're out together and I don't want to carry a purse. It's a good thing he wears cargo shorts as my sunglasses, wallet, keys, chapstick, gum, water bottle and purell take up too much room to ever fit in my pockets. If he squaks, I tell him he can carry the baby instead. Which, at this point, means that he would have to carry me. Hey, fair's fair.
(When he's not around, I'm all about cute purses).

Devra said...

I did what Mo-Wo did, I used to use my son's pockets, my husband's pockets, the pockets of my friends. Anyone with a pocket was fair game if they were hanging out with me. Only problem with this was the pregnant brain is a feeble one and I would forget who's pocket I had stuff stashed.