Thursday, August 03, 2006

Old Orchard Beach is the New Hell

We arrived in Maine around noon yesterday, where - like everywhere else - it is really hot.

“Big deal,” you say. “It’s hotter in DC.” Yes. It’s hotter in DC, where I go from my central AC-ed condo to my air conditioned car to my super-cooled office. My office where, honest to god, I have my space heater going because it feels like a meat locker.

But guess what? Bump’s mom’s house? Does not have air-conditioning.

I think I am going to die.

The weather is supposed to cool down tonight and be more temperate for the rest of the week. All I can say is that it better, because otherwise I am going to fucking die. If this isn’t over by tomorrow (I guess that would be this morning) I will insist that we go to a hotel, or stay at Bump’s sister’s, or something, because it turns out I am really a great big baby about this.

Bump is even less happy than I am. He sweats easily, and went through three shirts yesterday. Lumpyhead, like his dad, is a sweater. He sweats buckets when he naps in 72-degree rooms, and he was not a happy camper yesterday. This cold front cannot move through fast enough.

He did well on the plane, though, which was good. Bump’s mother’s reaction to the news of her coming grandchild was excited shock; we captured it on video, and like my parents’ reaction, I will post it when I get my head out of my ass on that front.

Bump’s mom set up a make-shift pool in the yard, and after a fitful nap (on me, in the hottest room in the house - he sweat through my shirt), Lumpyhead cooled off in a water-filled storage bin. Then he ate some cheerios and peed on his grandmother.

Later in the afternoon, we brought Lumpyhead and his cousins to the beach, where we frolicked next to a sunburnt family for whom I believe the polite term is now “country.” The completely naked baby, who looked to be about Lumpyhead’s age, had little scratches on his face and grinned wildly at us. His mother was wearing a string bikini and was pregnant again, much further along in her pregnancy than I am. Or maybe she wasn’t pregnant at all.

It was fun.

6 comments:

Michele said...

"Lumpyhead cooled off in a water-filled storage bin. Then he ate some cheerios and peed on his grandmother."

Now recorded for all the world on the web. Some day Lumpyhead will appreciate this. It made me laugh.

So do I have to replace my favorite "White trash" with "country" now? That damn Brittany.

Mom at Work said...

(1) Hope you got cooler today (not that you aren't hip enough already);

(2) No info on which UPS man is stalking my hubby at your home;

(3) Are you getting LH a new shirt that says "half country"? Or are you afraid he'd have to share "half country" with St. Kitts (without Nevis) or Trinidad (without Tobago) or the Turks (without Caicos) or the Chech Republic (without Slovakia)?; and

(4) When watering the garden this AM, a man stopped to say, "Senator Eugene McCarthy of Minnesota used to say when he got tired of pushing a pencil, he'd work in the garden."

Mom at Work said...

I meant the Czech Republic, but you knew that.

Em said...

Three of my least favorite things are traveling with babies, sweating, and being pregnant while doing the aformentioned activities. You have my sympathy!
I guess Watertown does not have the monopoly on all of the "country" people.

Auntly H said...

I think Mom at Work's #4 is a sign that the Lumpyhead family needs to move to MN. M@W's family should come too. How about you, too, Em?
I think I might have figured out what to ponder while I blow out my candles tonight...

Back to proper commenting: the heat wave broke here. I hope the cold front rolls quickly to the E. coast. The swealtering is no fun.

Melissa said...

I vote go to a hotel. Because you may actually die of sweat. I think I read that once on the internet.