Friday, April 21, 2006

Six Weird Things - A YouYou

Girls Gone Child does hehes as well as memes - she responds to the questions for her son. Aunt Bob laid out a challenge on the Six Weird Things meme - she already knew five of my six things (really seven, but she knew 6A too) and demanded I give her two for every one of hers I didn't already know. So I'm doing a YouYou - I guess this would be backsies in the realm of internet tag. Aunt Bob's things are in italics.

Sarah, this is all your fault.

Number One. I have been to the South Pole. When I was there, someone was having a wedding. Me, I had 500 people at my wedding.

Knew that (have seen the pictures), knew that, was there.

Backsies #1: While in Antarctica, Aunt Bob took pictures of every vehicle she encountered. Helicopters, snowmobiles, humongous people-moving-lounge thingies, ice breaking ships, bicycles . . . everything. When she got home, she made the pictures into a book for her Little Guy. It's the coolest. thing. ever.

Number Two. I was on my high school bowling team. I wish we had been this cool.

Knew that, but the Lebowski Fest may trump the Antarctica book as the awesomest thing to ever be awesome.

Backsies #2: When we go bowling, you have to finish your beer if you bowl a strike. Half your beer for a spare. This is meant to even out the competition, so good bowlers eventually can't see the pins. Also, your score is measured against your weight, so one woman's 130 is better than a big man's 170. Special Bonus for Backsies #2: Aunt Bob and Scrubly in a bowling alley, a looooong time ago:
Number Three. When I tried out for my college debate team, I made a well-known columnist guffaw. Later in my college career, I lost an election to a former New Republic editor. The worst part is that my freshman-year boyfriend (if you think I'm linking, you're wrong) is a professor of law in my hometown. His wife teaches as an adjunct. My other college boyfriend -- the one who got it all, so to speak -- sends Christmas Cards to Lumpyhead's Mom but not me. He will never be allowed in the wine pool.

I think I knew that, and I knew that. Knew that, but didn't care about the wife. Knew that (obviously), and double yes to that.

Backsies #3: Aunt Bob won an election in college by beating her challenger in Rock-Paper-Scissors. This is amazing, because Aunt Bob kinda sucks at Rock-Paper-Scissors. I'm certain she was drunk during the competition.

Not to make Aunt Bob even more bitter, but that other college boyfriend and his wife just had a baby. Bump and I got an announcement. Did yours get lost in the mail AB?

Number Four. I fear mayonnaise....and pigeons.

Knew that . . . and knew that.

Backsies #4: Over the weekend, the Little Guy offered to protect Aunt Bob from the pigeons she so fears. I won't scoop her on the story, because I hope it's included in the San Francisco Chronicles.

Number Five. The most amazing feat of human endurance I have ever seen was Lumpyhead's birth. At my little guy's birth, a c-section, big guy said, "I can see your guts." Little guy weighed 9 pounds, 14 ounces at birth. He was 2 weeks early. His mom (aka me) was 10 pounds 4 ounces at birth and three weeks late.

Awww. Blush. And my labor wasn't even that bad. Knew all that other stuff.

Backsies #5: (although this might not count, because it's about me) I leaned against Aunt Bob when I had my epidural. Bump hates blood and almost passed out when I was getting my IV, so we made him hide behind a curtain while I was getting the happy happy Needle of Relief in my back.

Okay, this is about her: When the Odd Nurse threw a hissy fit about the bottle of champagne we opened immediately after Lumpyhead's birth, Aunt Bob chugged the remaining bubbly to shut the Odd Nurse up. Ordinarily, she would have told the nurse to Get Bent, but she didn't want to upset my "birth aura" or something. I also would normally have told the nurse to Get Bent, but I just shoved a human out my crotch, and I guess it mellowed me out.

Number Six. My "check engine" light went on about 5 hours after I paid off my car. Last week. Why the light? Retarded fuel control. Aaargh.

Knew that, but only because I stopped by Aunt Bob's office yesterday after that horrendous informative meeting.

Backsies #6: Aunt Bob used to drive a blue Neon. It was a good car, except riding in the back seat was like some kind of punishment. The front seat was fine.

I know this because I rode in the back seat of the Neon for the entire drive to Buffalo, NY for Emily's wedding. Gah.

Bonus Number Seven. Bump and Lumpyhead's Mom flamingoed our lawn, new year's eve 1999/2000. Before the Outback Bowl began at 10am, someone had called our condo association and complained. We could purchase a 50-flamingo extravaganga in our pre-school auction on Saturday. Starting bid: $25.

Knew about that (obviously) and found the complaint hysterically funny. Am suddenly very very glad I don't have a lawn.

Backsies #7: By the time the condo association called to follow up on the complaint, the flamingos had been gone for four days. Also, Aunt Bob and Pete have contributed very cool things to the pre-school auction. If you need ideas for your fundraising auction, give them a call.

And the real Six Weird Things YouYou, not just backsies:
1. Aunt Bob does not have pierced ears.
2. She can drink more liquor and remain upright than any person I know. This includes men twice her size. I'm not kidding.
3. Aunt Bob can spill anything, at any time. I used to grab a huge pack of napkins whenever I ate with her, because she would always need them. She's gotten much better about this, over the years, oddly enough.
4. On their first date, Aunt Bob and Pete went to see the Brady Bunch movie.
5. Aunt Bob is a better bridge player than my husband or hers. They often ask her advice. (I don't play bridge. "Bridge is for old people!" I yell, as I knit in the corner.)
6. Aunt Bob is a crier, but don't mistake that for "soft." Not for a minute.

That was fun. Mostly because there were about ten things I started to say, then realized I shouldn't say them.

Okay, so I'm challenging you, Goon Squad Lady, whenever you get back online - do a YouYou for one of your friends. Better yet, how about the real-life friends of Sarah do a YouYou for her while she's offline and can't defend herself? I'm looking at you Tammy, Becky, Bridgette, Erin, Kemp, and Angie C. Tell us six random things about Sarah that you know but she hasn't told us. Ooh, I guess I just tagged all of you. Ha!


Mom at Work said...

This just makes me realize we know way too much about one another -- and that my friends are much funnier than I am. I feel like you should hear the announcer voice saying "and now you know the rest of the story."

Queen of Spain said...

You are eeeeeeviiiiiiiilll. EVIL!

And I love it.

Sarah, dressed as a nun once went to buy beer with my husband, who was in devil horns.

Dutch said...

I'm just smarting from the fact that you are a lebowskite and you didn't comment on my fake little lebowski screenplay.

I really want to go bowling now, though.

tammy said...

I am trying to think of some good things that she hasn't already told everyone. I've known Sarah since '91, so I think I can come up with something...

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Bring it on people. I have little to hide! (I'm glad you didn't tag Erin or Tammy's husbands they would embarrass me just for sport).

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

QoS - Beer AND Tequila.

Here's one for Erin. We were buying the Tequila (and the Corona)because The Queen and Kaiser had just purchased a new house that had lime trees in the yard.

It would have been great, but we actually used the unripe oranges all night for shots and whatnot.

Kemp said...

Sarah once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die...

No wait, that's wrong isn't it...

You all have to be asking yourselves how many times I can use that 'Reno' line...

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

The Reno line is sort of becoming Kemp's signature. Not that I'm confirming or denying his statemement.

tammy said...

This is sooooo late. I had a hard time with this, but I at least have some funny pictures!