Friday, July 14, 2006


(I promise next week I'll be done with these one word titles that end in ew)

Lumpyhead is constipated again, and this blog has become so boring I can barely stand to read it myself. What happened to the butthole jokes? The drunken bridal showers? The chanting masses?

They're all gone, replaced by a pregnant mommyblogger who's so damn dull she's lulling herself to sleep. Sorry.

I'm completely uninspiried. While I should just keep my big fat cyber-trap shut, rather than wordfarting all over, I felt I had to apologize for the lameness of late.

Bump is going to play softball tonight, so I'll have a few hours with Lumpyhead, just the two of us. Once the little man goes to bed, I'll wander around the house like William H. Macy in Pleasantville, sputtering, "Where's my dinner?" and scratching my butt head.

Here's a little something to cheer you up: you're reading my boring blog, but you don't have to live with me. I'm even worse in person lately. (Not just boring, but completely fricken useless!) You can just close your browser, Bump's stuck.

I'm having a playdate with Sarah and Aunt Bob this weekend, wherein the children will play quietly in a corner while we will chat about literature and exchange recipes.

Yes, yes.

Or, the children will run screaming through the house and destroy something of reasonable value. The child we want to poop (Lumpyhead) will not and the one we don't want to (Aunt Bob's Little Guy) probably will. If we're lucky, perhaps the children will start hurling feces like the monkeys at the zoo.

The grownups will play poker while I will scowl at those fucking bastards for enjoying cocktails and all manner of beery goodness. I may or may not chunder in the kitchen sink.

So. Hope you have a good weekend, too.


Mom at Work said...

At least we haven't been treated to "spew."

Tomorrow, I'm hoping for an entry entitled "stew" -- as long as it's not some new drinking game that you will make us play while (1) documenting it, (2) laughing, and (3) realizing it stains.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Or "Blew" as in "We went to Sarah's house and it blew".

I figured we'd get drunk while the kids ran wild and the rest of us would make fun of you for not being able to drink (Aunt Bob and I have been there before, so we're allowed) and then, being sober, you would win all of our money at poker.

(ps - I don't think you are boring. I think grumpy pregnant people are funny, especially if involved sarcasm).

daddy in a strange land said...

You should try to title a whole bunch of posts with one-word titles and then announce that there is a secret message that has to be de-jumbled from within those words. ;)