Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Bovine Expungiform Replaceopathy

When Bump goes in to retrieve a screaming Lumpyhead, he reports that Lumpyhead is often angrily pointing at Cow.

Lumpyhead received Cow from Bump's cousin Erin, and sleeps with it every night. Cow plays a little song and moves her head from side to side. Cow's greatest feature, however, is the bell around her neck that Lumpyhead likes to chew on. Bump and I foresaw the disaster that would befall our home if anything ever happened to Cow, so we thought we should find a spare.

I purchased one online back in June, and did the super-savvy thing of having it shipped to my Mom's. That way, we wouldn't have to pack Cow in the luggage, yet Lumpyhead would have Cow in Minnesota. I used expedited shipping so the thing would arrive before we did.

Except, we got to Minnesota, and no Cow II. No sign of Cow II. With spotty internet access, I managed to find the company's phone number and call them about Cow II's status. I left three messages and fired off an angry email (which may or may not have been successfully sent).

We left Minnesota with neither Cow II nor any word from the merchant (who has a brick-and-mortar store in Louisiana, so I wasn't worried about fraud, I was just pissy about the poor customer service). After arriving home, I received an email telling me that Cow had been discontinued, the store was out of stock, my order was cancelled and my card was not charged.

Despite the discovery that Cow's absence would not bring total and immediate devastation to Lumpyhead's nighttime world, I soldiered on. To eBay for Cow III! I found one, ordered it, and it arrived.

Except it looks like this:
It's from the same manufacturer, and it looks like Cow, just. . . no music or motion. Also, apparently no skeleton. It's a floppy, flaccid, creepy version of Cow. We're not sure if it will freak Lumpyhead out, or if he won't notice the difference. She has the all-important bell around her neck, after all.

Flaccid Cow III can be posed like Cow, which is why I didn't notice that Flaccid Cow III was in fact, not Cow at all.
Had I read the eBay description carefully, I would have noted that Flaccid Cow III does not play music, but I just never imagined that Gund would make two similar cows - one musical and one not.

I've found another online store that purports to sell Cow, and I've placed an order for Cow IV. We'll see.

Which still doesn't explain why Lumpyhead is so angry with Cow of late. Cow is obviously pissing him off, but we have no idea why. Maybe she's hoarding all the doobage.
Lumpyhead, Cow, and that bad seed Lambie, in happier times.

10 comments:

BabsieD said...

I'm amazed that Cow I looks so normal. After my son's first week with Elmo I (we're on Elmo III at present) he looked like, well, a stuffed animal that a 2-year old spent a week chewing on.

Then we washed him, and he looked like a vagrant stuffed animal that Henry Rollins spent a week chewing on. But at least he had fewer germs.

daddy in a strange land said...

That's freakin' hilarious.

Lumpyhead's probably all, "Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice...mama gets a cowhead in bed!"

Jill said...

Excellent post title. It may be the only time you will ever get to use such a phrase.

wordgirl said...

You should see what my oldest son's stuffed dog, Carl, looks like. Of course, my son is 17 now and Carl lives in the closet, but he's taken many a trip through the dryer and he has those plastic eye-cataracts and his fur is slightly stained from post-barfing washings. He's still loved, though.

Misfit Hausfrau said...

Darn--I couldn't see the pictures, but I can only imagine how horrible the experience has been. We have "Lambie." We are fortunate that Gund still makes them with no end in site. We have a couple stashed away...

Mom101 said...

I'm laughing -- not at your child's expense, I assure you. Poor flacid shell of a cow. Or a Cow.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

It's a rough crowd there in Lumpyhead's room.

Betty said...

I just stumbled across Cow at this site: http://www.labonneviebebe.com/boutique.php?item=449&catid=Bebe%20Toys%20and%20Fun%20Gifts&ret=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.labonneviebebe.com%2Fboutique.php%3Fpage%3D1%26category%3DBebe%2520Toys%2520and%2520Fun%2520Gifts

CPA Mom said...

You are a wise woman. I bow to your intelligence. My 3 1/2 year old's blankey, the one we SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A DUPLICATE OF, is starting to fall apart. Woe the day it disingrates as I am not a Wise Woman...

Gidge said...

I went through this similar quest on eBay for Bagheera......ah what we won't buy on eBay for the ones we love......eh?