Phew

Also, Hooray!

At my doctor's appointment yesterday, I heard a new heart beat.

My doctor warned that she might not be able to pick up the fetal heartbeat, because ten weeks is the early edge of the technology. She told me not to worry if she didn't find one, I would just come back in a week or so and try again. In the weird corner room, the one where the doppler machine picks up a local radio station, the doctor moved the cold squishy thing around my flabby beer gut. She picked up my heartbeat, which was too slow to be the one she wanted. Twice. Then there it was.

Hello, Little One.

Bump and Lumpyhead planned to come to this appointment with me, but Lumpyhead's nap schedule was thrown off and they didn't make it. I was sorry Bump missed hearing the heartbeat, but we have an ultrasound scheduled in a week and a half, and he'll be able to hear and see things then.

It feels real now. I think I did this with Lumpyhead, too, distancing myself from the whole idea of being pregnant until we made it past the highest risk for miscarriage.

Bump mentioned last night that he has been so busy thinking about the logistics of chasing two babies around that he hasn't really taken the time to think about the fun stuff. I've been doing the same thing.

I've been so busy griping and feeling crappy and being sober that I haven't stopped to be really happy about this. I'm not a big "Pregnancy is a Wonderous Thing" kind of woman because frankly, I believe it's a pain in the ass. But I'm going to have another child soon, another person who - once he or she arrives - I can't imagine being without.

I could write entire posts - and probably will - on the following worries: 1) Will we have to move? I don't think we can afford to move. 2) God, another college fund? Lumpyhead's account is not funded the way it should be, and now we are going to have to start another one. 3) When should I tell the office? The timing of this pregnancy is, well, poor, and my boss is going to have a small seizure when I tell him. 4) Can we really handle two children? I've been absolutely useless around the house lately, what with the retching and the nausea and the sleepiness. Bump's carrying pretty much the entire load, and how will he manage when he's caring for all three of us? 5) With all the affection and attention we shower on Lumpyhead, will the next baby get short shrift? Will Lumpyhead?

And there are so many more worries; those are just the ones I can think of right now.

But.

But for now, for right now . . . Hello.

Hello Little One.

Mama's glad you're here.