Friday, May 12, 2006


I feel I need to clarify something about the last post: I don't think it's depressing to forgo a party for my son. I offered to stay home with the baby while Bump went to a friend's birthday party alone - we could have bundled up Lumpyhead and all gone and just left early. But we're working to establish a sleep schedule and agreed it was probably best for Lumpyhead to stay home.

However, once the baby has gone to sleep (thank god, maybe he's not doomed to be a moron) and you're sitting in a quiet house, one drink away from a good buzz, and it's 8:30 on a Saturday night and you've been invited to a party but you're not there, it makes you feel . . . well, lonely, I guess.

When the new sleep schedule means even less time together during the week, and the baby doesn't seem to dig you very much to begin with, it's hard not to overcompensate by spending every available minute on the weekend with your child.

I'm struggling to find balance, I guess. I know that I need to carve out time for things I enjoy - things that aren't related to work or parenting. I just wish this time didn't come directly out of my time with the baby.

I'm feeling this distinctly because last night I played softball while Bump and Lumpyhead stayed home. (Softball in the pouring rain. We won. It was . . . wet.) I got home in time to hear the last few minutes of bedtime crying. So I got some free time yesterday, but at what expense? I passed up the one hour I get to spend with Lumpyhead at night. I miss him.

I'm trying to decide if it's worse to feel left out of the fun or feel like a neglectful parent. Should I just plan to do things only when the baby is sleeping, so I don't feel like I'm missing out?

I want to do some work in the garden this weekend, but I don't know when or how I'll work it in. Can I weed in the dark?


Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Have Lumpyhead come outside with you. Stick him in a bouncy seat or a playpen, or just let him crawl around outside.

You guys can weed together.

Mom at Work said...

It's true. Why do you think little guy comes to the garden. Quality time with mom AND weeding. (True the weeding is slower, but....)

Finding a balance is the hardest thing. And the sleep thing will get established. Established enough to go out again without feeling like you are sabotoging.

And sooner than you think, he'll be telling you not to go to work and wailing when you leave.

Sorry we bailed last night. The rain was a bit much for the little guy.

Speaking of him, when asked "are there any names people call you other than your name?" Little guy offered:

"Bo-bo-bee-boo-bop" (Me: "Does anyone really call you that?" Him: "Maybe")

"Kiddo" ("Daddy like to call me kiddo")

"Pea" (Me: "really?" Him: "you call me you sweet pea and also potato.")

Don't know if that helps on the name thing, but at least you'll feel better than no one calls you "Bo-bo-bee-boo-bop" -- at least to your face.

nonlineargirl said...

Many people feel crappy either way. I feel guilty when I go out and do something fun but leave Earlygirl at home with Chris. I feel sad when I'm home missing out on something fun. A little of each is good for you, and the boy.

Chris just suggested that we leave Earlygirl with grandma so that I can go to a wedding out of state while he is at a work conference. I'm trying to decide if this is a good idea. The wedding is smack in the middle of Ada's "feed me dinner or I cry" time, so I might end up outside the hall during the ceremony if I bring her... But two days away? Hmmm.

mo-wo said...

Finding a balance is impossible! I'm in the mood to say today!

And, since that is not helpful I WILL say.. I read the post six times and cannot detect an iota of evidence that you are neglectful parent.