Hey, did you know the government is giving away money? Not "guy in front of the Capitol wearing a question mark suit" free money, but "actual, for reals y'all, dollahs in your bank account" money. It's true!
I'd heard some rumors about stimulus payments, but I regard most of those media reports with extreme skepticism. When Kai Ryssdal tells me "Congress is considering . . . blah blah blah" it goes in one ear and out the other. Partisan bickering and a huge federal deficit plus - you know - the [airquotes] Senate [airquotes] (Deliberative Body my ass. It's a bunch of old codgers and their hoity-toity staff blathering about -- OH HI Aunt Bob. Didn't see you there. Would you like some candy? Ahem. Anyway) means most of those Marketplace stories might as well be offers to enlarge my penis.
Add in a disclaimer about phase-outs at certain income points and the "do nothing but file your tax return as the law requires" rigorous application process, and never thought I would see any cash.
Then I heard reports that "the government will start mailing checks soon" and I was still all "Phfffttt [rolls eyes, makes lame jerking-off hand motion], whatever."
Then. Yesterday.
Woo fricken hoo! Who's your uncle? Who's your uncle?
SAM. Sam is my uncle.
I got my rebate check yesterday. Rather, my bank account got an unexpected infusion of cash from my employer and your favorite bureaucracy: the feddul gubmint.
SSN ending in a low number? Check. Direct deposit for 2007 tax refund? Check. Stimulus payment? Virtual check.
I’ve got some cash flow concerns this month, what with the bucketloads of money I forked over to the contractor and whatnot. So when I checked my bank balance and it was much larger than I expected – on the day before payday – I kind of panicked.
Efficiency! From my IRS. Who would have imagined?
Oh, hey, did you know you get extra money for kids? I did not know that, and I work here. (Jesus, woman. Pay just a little bit of attention.) I'm sure Kai mentioned that at some point, but I was probably merging around cherry blossom traffic or mulling an offer to gain 3+ inches at the time.
8 comments:
For what it's worth, I think your kids are worth way more than $300 each. I just wish that I'd listed Pete first with his low, low last 2 digits versus me and my decidedly medium last 2.
With pinky raised, hoitily (not to mention toitily),
Aunt Bob
It's funny that they're sending out these checks (or direct-depositing them as the case may be) before they're even done processing tax refunds. I haven't received my refund yet. Admittedly I didn't file until 4/12, but that's beside the point.
Stupid SSN ending in a high number.
CURSES!
It's hilarious that you didn't know you got extra scratch for the kids.
I've actually contemplated buying a new fridge with the dough but will probably squirrel it away out of spite.
So, Marketplace is going to enlarge your, I mean, your spouse's penis? I wonder if I can get that channel here.
Waiting...waiting...waiting...I want my free money already!
COngrats! Too bad the IRS didn't send us the $600 for our kids. My husband has been on hold twice over two days for a total of two hours to fix it.
Oh good! You are the first person I have read that has actually gotten the money. Hope mine comes in soon!
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