I Am Both Blackhearted and Cynical

I hate Valentine's Day. Sorry, Heather.

Single Friend, who sees Valentine's Day as another way for the coupled-up world to kick her in the crotch, is so bitterly cranky today I don't even want to say hello.

New Relationship Friend is a ball of twitchy goo because she's not sure if she should have gotten New Guy a big gift, a little gift, or nothing at all. What if New Guy gets her a big gift and all she got for him is this puny-kinda-funny thing?

Long-Standing Relationship Friend rolls his eyes. "What a load of crap. If Significant Other needs a manufactured day to let her know that I love her then she really doesn't get what I'm all about."

Meanwhile, Significant Other wouldn't mind a little "you're special" reminder every once in a while, even if it's stuck between absent-minded ass scratching and a burp.

It's my friend Fundy's birthday, and he's busy complaining about how it's the worst day to have a birthday ever. You can't get a table at a restaurant, all your friends have "plans," if you're seeing someone the day can't be about you, if you're not seeing someone you get to be all bummed out on your birthday . . .

Cripes already. No wonder I hate Valentine's Day.

Okay, reasons to enjoy the day: (or, the only things keeping me from rushing out to the suburbs, finding Sarah, and forcing her on a three-day drinking bender with me)

1) Nana Vicky sent us a Valentine's Day care package last Friday. It contained many fabulous hand-made and decorated sugar cookies (all gone as of Sunday), some heart-shaped marshmallows (half of which we ate with chocolate sauce, the other half to be used in a how-many-can-you-fit-in-your-mouth-at-one-time contest - which sounds dirtier than it is), and two outfits for Lumpyhead, among other items. Like some awesome chocolates.

2) Valentine's Day is a good reason to drink champagne, even if it's cheap champagne.

3) Tomorrow: sale chocolate.

4) Bump.

Hey Bump, I love you. Glad I squeezed out your progeny.