Monday, May 19, 2008

Maybe I'm a Little Oversensitive

Morning diaper changes typically go like this. I ask, "Who wants a new diaper?" and Lumpyhead enthusiastically replies "Baby!" - effectively calling Not It on the first diaper question.

Lula usually comes willingly, but this morning she took Lumpyhead's "Baby" declaration as her cue to shake her head and run squealing in the other direction.

My toddler is faster than me.

I'm really fat and cumbersome right now, but even at my un-pregnant thinnest I wasn't setting any land speed records. It took me nearly an entire lap around the apartment to catch her. If she hadn't started giggling, I might not have caught up at all. I considered throwing something at her legs to slow her down.

It's not enough that she can outwit me, apparently. She has to outrun me, too.


Every evening I get an email summarizing my blocked spam messages. Occasionally a real message gets caught, so I read the subject line of every blocked "likely spam" message, just in case.

For example, last week a friend sent an email with "Poker tonight?" in the subject line. Punctuation and the word "poker" (heh heh, poker) was apparently enough to categorize this invitation as "likely spam," meaning I didn't get the message until too late. Bump told me he was interested in playing and I meekly agreed to stay home with the kids, thinking I hadn't been invited. Damn spam filter.

So the emails I would otherwise ignore are starting to get under my skin. I can shrug off the solicitations for discount viagra and advice on how to keep her satisfied, but the offers to hook me up with local horny singles have lately said things like "You're a lonely loser" and "Don't spend another Friday night at home." I gotta say, it's starting to hurt my feelings.


Violet said...

don'tcha know they're just trying to manipulate you into replying "yes!" to their solicitations? I bet we don't all need tons of anti-perspirant and pads with wings, too.

Julie said...

It's like Baby Survivor! Outwit, Outrun, Outplay.