Hopes for Labor Day

As eager as I have been for today to arrive - and by “eager” I mean I’ve been waiting for this day since fricking May - I feel completely unprepared for the coming events.

While Bump and I put the final items into the hospital bag last night, I realized just how little thought I have given to labor and delivery.

I recognize that I have very little control over the process I’m about to experience. I don’t mean that the hospital and doctor won’t listen to me - just the opposite is true, I feel very empowered with regard to my medical care - I mean that this baby and my body will determine how the next few hours go. I’m just along for the ride.

My birth plan goes like this, in order of importance:
1) Have a healthy baby
2) Don’t die
3) Get an epidural, for the love of God

Actually, never mind that order of importance thing. Those three things are probably of equal importance.

I would like for Bump to avoid passing out. I think we can accomplish this if he doesn’t see any blood and no one mentions the word episiotomy.

My labor with Lumpyhead was relatively short, lasting about five hours from pitocin to delivery. I imagine I will get an IV upon arrival at the hospital this morning, and be started on antibiotics for Group B Strep. The doctor wants at least four hours of antibiotics before delivery, so I might not be started on the pitocin to induce labor for an hour or two. Real contractions will start, I’ll get an epidural, and the doctor will probably rupture my membranes. I’ll fully dilate, start pushing, and eventually receive a new wrist band for my efforts.

That’s what I’m expecting, but I won’t be surprised or concerned if things go differently. I would prefer to avoid a c-section, and effective pain management is important to me; but I won’t be disappointed if I need surgery and I’ll power through if there’s not time for an epidural. (The same way, for example, I would power through if our plane crashed in the Andes and I had to eat you to survive. Let’s really hope it doesn’t come to that now, shall we? By the way, you might want to put on a little more weight before our trip to Peru. I’m just sayin’.)

I want to see ten fingers, ten toes. (A round head and a right-sized bunghole would be a nice bonus.)

I’m anxious to meet her. I’m excited to see what she looks like and get to know her and figure out what to call her on the blog (Akutaq was an in-utero name only).

In a few hours, I’ll be done with this whole pregnancy thing. I’ll be sore and weary, sleepless at odd hours and exhausted during the day, elated by the presence of the new little person who has joined our family.