Friday, January 19, 2007

Three Disgusting Things

1. All this scratching has brought me much closer to my moisturizers. I’ve been applying a great quantity of lotions and creams to deal with the itching. Nothing really helps, but I’m still a lotioning fool.

Recently I’ve become completely disgusted by lotion boogers. You know what I mean? Those little dried bits that form at the end of the pump? They sometimes constrict the flow of lotion, then come flying out with a particularly forceful pump or send the stream of lotion off in random directions. Lotion boogers may dangle there on the bottle, waiting to be released. Sometimes they sneak onto your dollop of lotion and you don’t notice them until you’ve rubbed all the normal lotion into your skin. Anyway, they’re grossing me out right now.

2. I don’t know why I’m saying this, other than to make the squeamish among you wince. You know what else is disgusting? Mucous plugs.

3. One of my new colleagues said that she preferred the final stages of pregnancy to parenting a newborn. She thought it was easier: you don’t have to guess what the baby needs (Is she hungry? Tired? Does she need to be changed? Does she have gas?) because in utero, the child is always safe and perfectly tended. The woman has a point, certainly. I can’t say I’m looking forward to the coming moments of desperate exhaustion, when those little newborn mewlings sound like horrific screams and you have no idea how to stop them. Maybe the second time around, those panicky feelings of “I don’t know what to do for you, Baby” combined with aching privates and sleep deprivation are easier to handle. But I doubt it.

So here’s the disgusting part - which is more annoying than nauseating: this colleague has four children aged 8 through 15, and is about the size of a matchstick. What. The. Fuck.

13 comments:

Michele said...

Hey, as gross as #2 is, congratulations. Hope Akutag makes her appearance very soon.

Anonymous said...

After two children, I have yet to see an actual mucous plug. Thank Freaking God because I fear I would have passed out, bonked my head on the sink and become even more of a mess than I already am.

Hey Pretty said...

Oh God. I didn't know what a mucous plug is so I Googled it. I don't tend to be squeamish, but...ew! I don't know if this pregnancy thing is for me.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Yes. Mucous plugs are ill.

I didn't see mine either. I didn't see ANYTHING but the sheet and the top of the doctor's heads. (Yeah, I had many. The joys of a twin birth)

I'm really glad I didn't see the mucous plug.

Did you hear Gabe got to see my guts and ribs? That is gross too.

Anonymous said...

thanks for mentioning mucous plugs... you don't know how many hits i got because i mentioned losing mine. =P

trayletha said...

You know mucous plugs, episiotomies, that weird shape the baby's head is right after they're born, the fact that you are actually pregnant for TEN months; these are the things that should be brought up in sex ed. Gar-un-tee that BC will be used by teens – if not complete abstinence. Love your blog, please keep writing and best thoughts and wishes for the upcoming event. - Found you through Sarah & TGS.

Anonymous said...

Congrats on losing the plug! I had the pleasure?? of seeing mine at the end of my first pregnancy and nearly fainted. Good news: it's a sign of good things to come.

Anonymous said...

I am grossed out by lotion boogers, but not so much by mucus plugs. What does this say about me?

Anonymous said...

OMG! I had a lotion booger just this morning in my face moisturizer!

And of course I didn't notice, and it migrated from bottle to hand, and I rubbed it all into my face. Ick.

Anne

Anonymous said...

I think you need to have the baby already so you don't have time to ponder these things.

Also, the second child isn't quite so perplexing. Plus, Lumpyhead the helper can bring you stuff you need to calm her mewling and screaming.

Violet said...

I don't have the experience, but I'd expect the second one to be easier. Unless the first one didn't have colic or allergies, and the second one does.

I'm a total moisturiser addict. But you know what? I think it destroys the stuff in your bra straps that keeps them from going all loose and slide-off-y.

laurie said...

i already don't like the word mucous, and any of its permutations. and the whole topic of mucous plugs made me sorta glad i had a c-section to pull my two out. not that there are fewer gross things about a c-section, but there are fewer gross words.

so the fact that you're talking about mucous plugs -- should we read anything into that?

Gidge said...

Seriously, after the first few days of feeling you got whacked in the head with the crazy stick, you'll find it IS easier with the second one because you DO have a clue about what they want.
And luckily you only have one arriving, so that makes it even easier.