Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Code Brown

Lumpyhead slept until 8:30 yesterday, but woke up this morning at 6 am with a Level 4 Code Brown. I would prefer a waking time somewhere in between. Without the pantsful of poop.

Code Brown Classifications:
Level 1: Simple Code Brown, fully contained
Level 2: Code Brown with containment breach in one location
Level 3: Code Brown with containment breach in multiple locations
Level 4: Code Brown with containment breach in multiple locations, outside contamination
Level 5: Code Brown with multiple location containment breach, outside contamination of more than one layer

There are some circumstances that may seem to fall outside the classification system. For example, what if the containment breach is in only one location, but soils multiple layers of clothing/bedding/upholstery? Still a Level 2 in my book. Why? Because I’m guessing that a containment breach in just one area means the diaper shifted or was applied poorly - in short: Operator Error cannot cause a Level 5 Code Brown.

By my scoring, most large disasters are Level 4; a true Level 5 is an impressive feat. Are you Oxy-Cleaning more than one item in addition to the child’s clothing? You may have a Level 5. If the containment breaches occurred not because of diaper gaps, but because the sheer volume of diaper contents exceeded capacity, then you may be dealing with a true Level 5.

And while this morning’s Code Brown required mitigation procedures on Lumpyhead’s sheets and my shirt as well as his pajamas, if I hadn’t picked him up and held him for several minutes, my shirt may have avoided soilage. Thus a Level 4.

We have several options for stain removal in our house. For little bitty don’t-worry-about-it stains, I have this spray treatment from Melaluca that I received as a gift. It works okay, but since you don’t know if the stain is out until after you’ve washed the item, the treatment is iffy. While this treatment gets points for ease of use, results are uncertain and delayed.

We soak the majority of stains in a heavy solution of Oxy-Clean, which is pretty reliable. Bump thinks the folks at Oxy-Clean are missing a major marketing opportunity by not touting “Works Great on Human Feces!” on the label. It also removes many food and grass stains.

Zout is the BFG of stain-fighters. We usually use it as a last-resort because it may cause fading, but if Zout doesn’t get the stain out, the stain’s not coming out.

What’s in your laundry arsenal? Got something we should try?


Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Sometimes when you get to level five it is best to just throw away the entire outfit and whatever furniture it has damaged.

Bump said...

SGSS--Exactly. I think the key question to answer in discussing whether or not it's a Level 5 is, "Does anything need to be incinerated?"

stefanierj said...

Can't. stop. laughing. what a funny post!

I am lax about stainage, since most of D's clothes came from a thrift store anyway. But I do a little baking soda in the wash, which helps many smallish stains, and then Shout gel for just about everything else. OxyClean is great stuff, just don't EVER get ANY on a wood surface. Certainly not one that's been finished in any way. Or you might notice lovely grey rings where the bowl of Oxyclean rested, and let me tell you, it's only festive-looking for the first week.

Em said...

Ooh. It takes a heavy duty poop quantification schema to get bump to post.

I have never had Zout fade anything.

For white stuff I rely heavily on the Clorox bleach pen. It even works on old stains and is great for outside contamination on a onesie.

Violet said...

I've never really had any problem getting poo stains out of my daughter's clothing, and I just chuck it in the wash like any other item of laundry. But then, probably the worst poo-age I've encountered would be a Level 2 by your grading scale.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Jeez. Ian just had a level two that became a level three. (Don't ask.)

I thought of you the whole time I was cleaning it up.

Nancy said...

Heh. I came here from Sarah's. I've previously heard the term "code brown" used in conjunction with an... um... accident in the tub, but I like your levels too. :-)