Shits and Giggles, Round II

I meant to update you on Bump’s colonoscopy results before. I encouraged him to write about it, but my efforts to get him to post more often are still resoundingly unsuccessful. Then I planned a post entitled “Colon Pow!(what the h)ell,” in which I would slyly combine comic book exclamations with our esteemed former Secretary of State. The post would include the pictures Bump received of his colon with lots of “Smack!” “Zwack!” and “Zoinks!”. I was planning to give a nod to the Joint Chiefs and the State Department by using military and diplomatic terms, probably incorrectly.

Except I never got around to it. (Because deploying such terminology is difficult when you don't know what the hell you're talking about.)

So here we are. The defense of Bump’s bottom system required aggressive force in the form of unilateral laser sanctions against two polyps. The doctor opted for negotiations with a remaining polyp, but the channels of communication with the larger polyp have shut down. Attempts at peacemaking and conflict prevention have been unsuccessful. Biopsy results confirmed a harsher course of action - reinsertion and removal - is necessary.

Um, yeah. What I mean is: Bump is having another colonoscopy tomorrow to remove a remaining precancerous polyp. He has to go through the whole pre-colonoscopy procedure again, which is funny for everyone but him. He’s on clear liquids today (aka the saddest group of allowable foods ever) and forgot he shouldn’t have eaten corn this weekend (corn: BWA ha ha ha ha. [wipes tear] Corn.)

The whole thing makes us really, really happy he had the test done in the first place.