Wednesday, July 08, 2009


Hey, you wanna hear my baseless, goofball theory about Michael Jackson?

I think his family wanted so desperately to preserve that amazing adolescent voice of his that they had him, um, fixed.

Chemically, or maybe even surgically, they attempted to prevent puberty.

The result was a musical genius who was tortured by hormonal imbalance and his inability to procreate.

You know, or not.

Feel free to add your own goofball theories in the comments. Or tell me why I'm right. Or wrong. (But like any good whack-job, I'll delete your comments telling me that I'm wrong, and then hunt you down and pester you for a good portion of the next three months or so.)


Julie said...

At my elementary school, there was a persistent rumor that Michael actually died around 1985, and that Janet and Latoya were taking turns impersonating him.

But I am in no way trying to say that you are wrong. Because if my theory is right, who just died?

Mamma said...

You know how I feel. Explains everything!

Heather said...

Whoa, that's my theory. Seriously, I have thought that for years and I was just sitting on the couch a couple of days ago reminding Brian of all the reasons I had to be right.

Totally seems like something Joe Jackson would have done.

Great minds, I guess...

kenandbelly said...

Here's my theory: MJ wanted to be The Joker, the Jack Nicholson white skin, clown lips, giggly, bad-ass version from the first movie.

My theory and your theory could totally do lunch.

Violet said...

So who's the real father of the Prince Michaels and Blanket?

Lara said...

I think that's a pretty good theory actually :)

Kim said...

Do you watch The Soup? Joel McHale and that team of chuckleheads had a REALLY funny compilation of all these entertainment news-heads spouting off their baseless theories about MJ in a row. It was really really funny. I should find it on the internet.

OOH here it is.