Monday, March 10, 2008

Helpful Hints from Lumpyhead's Mom

If you have one of those "automatic adjusting" alarm clocks that syncs up with an atomic clock somewhere in Colorado or some such, the most important button this time of year looks like this:

You know, it's bad enough that Daylight Savings Time kicks your ass by screwing with your kids' schedules. Does it really need to pile on and mess with your head? When you are certain you changed that clock already, but you change it once more anyway, and then in the middle of the damn night it fucks with you again.

I can hear that frigging clock in Colorado snickering at me.

Or maybe that's you.


You know what sucks more than not having a shower for over two weeks?

Not having a kitchen.

Not having a kitchen for a couple of hours sucks. Not having a kitchen for many days sucks even harder.

The dining room looks like this right now:
Donkey balls. As in, what it sucks.

Because the kitchen looks like this:
Good thing the paper towel holder is still there.

What was originally going to be just a linoleum and countertop replacement, with no need to move cabinets or appliances, has become a full-on new tile floor job.

The good news - for me, anyway - is I'm at work most of the time. So I don't have to deal with it. Perhaps this is the bad news for Bump.


Yesterday Bump and I were complaining about our relative girthiness. A few minutes later, our conversation turned to what to do for dinner, which is tricky without a kitchen and requires some planning.

Lumpyhead yelled "Maybe just a salad! Or some rice cakes."

If you don't want your kid to suggest that you're too fat, don't let him watch The Incredibles trailer at the beginning of Finding Nemo.


Mamma said...

That's a brilliant kid!!!

Julie said...

Why do they make those DST buttons so hard to find? I tried for 10 minutes to figure out how to change the clock in the iHome, and then the Jellyman walked over and flipped the little DST switch.

I hate him a little bit now.

Daddy L said...

I once gained 15 pounds eating Rice Cakes. I guess it didn't help that I ate 18 caseloads, but so tasty. Why, I'm reaching for one right now...

Em said...

How do you know that Lumpyhead doesn't really like rice cakes?

Violet said...

How can anyone put on weight by overdosing on rice cakes, daddy l? Surely a human stomach just isn't big enough to fit all those thousands of rice cakes you'd have to consume each day.

Or was it the peanut butter you spread on it, that did it?

nonlineargirl said...

I make it a point not to buy any electronics that talk to other states. All my electronics communicate only with a town in eastern Oregon.

p-man said...

I have no kitchen. I live in the basement, or more precisely, Mo and the kids live there and I stay at the office so I can pay the contractor. Good times.

Devra said...

We are renovating our kitchen too. Maybe we should meet for breakfast, lunch or dinner. yes?