Monday, October 26, 2009


"All in all, I think 'douche' is pretty tame."

"I don't want my four-year-old calling some other kid a douche on the playground."

"It was the two-year-old who said it."


"Douche will probably be prefectly acceptable dinner-party talk soon. You know, there was a time when 'jerk' was considered a vulgar reference to masturbation."

[Pointedly] "Is now that time?"

"It's better than asshole."

"Is that the only alternative you can think of?"

[Long pause] "Yes."


Okay, I can think of other words, but asshole is the most apt synonym for douche. What do you suggest? Assume any variant of douchebag is unacceptable to my children's father, as well as anything with the ass- prefix (asshat, assface, asslicker) or the -hole suffix (dillhole, jackhole, jerkhole). It must be a perfect substitute for douche, because otherwise I'm not using it.


bozoette said...

I suspect "dickhead" would be unacceptable, no? How about one of my husband's favorites: nimnoid. Still, it doesn't have quite the same mouthfeel.

Teresita said...

Dude - seriously?

I love you, but if my kids came home from a playdate with your kids and started using the word "douche"...I would definitely write a blog post about it.

And it wouldn't be pretty.

And the next time your kids came over to my house for a playdate... we'd spend the day reading the Old Testament.

Beth Fish said...

I think you need something that the children could easily have learned from another child so that you can disavow all blame. Poophead? Fartbubble? Buttmunch?

Violet said...

Fartypants. You can't blame that one on the grownups.

Aunt Bob said...


"I'm Rachel" said...

We go with "turd". And occasionally "turdball". :)

You're welcome.

kagemom69 said...

"Tool" if its for you....cotton headed ninnymuggins for the kids....if they can say it then they are quite ticked off and its totally justifiable