Saturday, November 01, 2008

A Lumpyhead's Mom PSA

When your friend comes over and you're talking about your COLOSSAL EPIC FAIL of a morning, do not describe your toddler's huge inconvenient poop as "between the shoulder blades" when in fact it just oozed four inches or so over her waistband.

Because the minute you utter those words, your baby will unleash a gigantic shit that winds up literally between his shoulder blades.

And then the water company will turn off your water for several hours, and you will be stuck with only wipes to clean the baby off and no method of soaking the his clothes - which by volume may now be comprised of more poop than fabric.

Maybe that won't happen every time you make such an exaggeration, but really, once is enough.

You're welcome.


Fran said...

And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse!



Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

That was God punishing you for the sin of exaggeration.

Em said...


"I'm Rachel" said...

This cracked me up because my youngest son never took a poo that didn't end up between his shoulder-blades. It was like he just exploded..... Each and every time. Seriously. To this day the kid poops more than anyone I've ever seen. And he's only 4. So I thought your post was hilarious...perhaps only because I've been there too many times to count. :)

mo-wo said...

Is there a nursing pad for this maternal cone of silence pact between the fates and the facts??

I mean, shit.