Ever since Bump and I saw the Eddie Izzard show in which he repeats "le singe est sur la table," we have referred to the fancy cooking store as The Monkey.
The Monkey was hosting a book signing with Ina Garten. Since Bump had to be in Lumpyhead's preschool class today, I loaded up Lula and Nathan Jr and went to meet the Barefoot Contessa lady.
I will admit it never seemed like the best idea.
When we got there, the line was nearly around the block. At least the store served little cupcakes and samples of angel food cake while we waited in line. The people directly behind me were incredibly sweet, they carried my bag when I had to feed Nathan Jr and held my place in line when the stroller wouldn't fit through the maze of cluttered store aisles.
We waited for an hour and a half, and the kids were great for about an hour and twenty-nine minutes. Just as it was our turn to enter the room where Ms. Garten was signing books, Lula decided she was done. She declined apple juice with extreme prejudice, threw the fruit strip I offered her on the floor, and squealed the Mighty Squeal of Meltdown.
In a flurry of embarrassed activity I dug out the cookbooks, shoved Lula's rejected items back in my bag, and pushed the stroller into the room. I spent about forty-five seconds with Ina Garten while her handlers distracted my child, snapped a photo, and sent us on our way.
What. Ever. I had waited long enough. Plus, that dude with the cupcakes didn't make a second pass. Dickhead.
The author could not personalize the inscription, which was a little disappointing. In hindsight, I should have waited until Lula calmed down to get my books signed - I could have let others in line go first - but I was suddenly anxious to get it all over with. At the very least I should have pulled out the emergency M&Ms, which would have shut off Lula's fit immediately. Plus, the refused apple juice leaked in my bag and now my wallet is wet and my cellphone doesn't work.
While I got what I came for, I wouldn't necessarily call the trip a success. If I had the chance to do it again . . . um, I wouldn't.
But! I got to bring Nathan Jr to Sur la Table wearing this outfit.
Which is amusing only to me.
I gotta take the joy where I can get it from this disaster of a morning.