Ironing Baby Clothes
Honestly, what kind of a sick fuck makes baby clothes that need to be ironed? My clothes don’t need to be ironed, and if they do, I am really bad at it. Imagine what I’m like with tiny garments. Tiny garments with ribbons and bows and gathers and pintucks and whatnot. Christ.
All I’m saying is that the next time Lula shows up in one of those sweet little dresses, it better be a big damn special occasion. They are not popping up in the rotation just because it’s Tuesday and she’s feeling flirty.
My iron has a spray feature, which comes in handy when trying to remove a wrinkle one has just created (something I do quite often, just to add to my frustration, thankyewverymuch). It also has a “steam burst” feature, which is located right next to the spray button. You see where this complaint is going, right? Incidentally, how long does it take for fingerprints to grow back? If anyone is planning a jewelry heist, you might want to give me a call.
Saying Goodbye
On Monday, my friend Jerry got in his car and began driving to New Mexico, where his new job awaits. I will miss him, and I’m also profoundly jealous of him. I envy the excitement of a new beginning, the fresh start in a new place (also the real estate market in his new home. Damn).
Over the past years, I have held on to a vision of my pre-parenthood life through Jerry. I crave his stories of weekend trips and parties and first dates and job interviews in cities far away. I like to think that if I weren’t married with two kids, I would be doing what he’s doing.
He doesn’t know anyone in New Mexico, but I’m sure he will make friends quickly. I sincerely want to stay in touch with him, but I worry that I won’t. I’m envious, but if I weren’t married with two kids, I probably wouldn’t have the guts to move cross-country with my dog and flat-screen TV.
Deep down, Jerry wants -- and he has told me this, it is not just me projecting -- to find the right woman to share his life with, and eventually become a dad. I realize that while I envy the journey he’s taking, I’m already at his desired destination.
Except for those fucking wrinkly baby clothes.
6 comments:
What are you doing ironing baby clothes at 2 am?
Lucy owns a couple of dresses the require ironing. The usually get worn precisely once then they sit in the pile to be ironed until they no longer fit.
Haven't they passed a law yet against baby clothes that need ironing?
Ironing is the worst part of parenting. If they make low-temp glueguns for kids, why can't they do the same for irons? Potty training and then straight to ironing, I say!
without fingerprints, will you still be able to get into your office when you go back to your jobby job?
I bought my one year old the world's cutest easter outfit only to discover it was made of linen. The thing was a wrinkled mess like five minutes after I put it on him. Ridiculous.
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