Monday, September 13, 2010

The Horrific Milestone of Kindergarten, Week 2

I'm getting better at this Abandon Your Firstborn Son thing.

First, I moved his booster seat to the other side of the car - the curbside - so he can more easily exit the vehicle as the PTA Ladies circle, hungry for the tears of an anguished mother.

Second, interspersed between the preying PTA Harpies are little children, probably there for a softening effect, most assuredly forced into their duties by their PTA-cult-leader mothers. Poor Dears. (Or, you know, responsible fifth-graders who volunteer for Safety Patrol.) They stand at the Kiss-and-Ride, with their reflective belts and shoulder harnesses, cheerfully opening car doors and greeting arriving children.

This morning I got a Child Minion. He helped Lumpyhead out of the car and into his backpack, then shut the car door. I watched him take Lumpyhead's hand and lead him onto the sidewalk.

And then my corpse piloted my car to work, for I died from the cuteness.

(Oh, and I have visual confirmation that the Evil PTA includes males. A father-type stood there at the Kiss-and-Ride, his bloody fangs bared, as I drove away. Or perhaps he too was smiling at the outrageous cuteness happening aside my right rear quarter panel, IT'S HARD TO SAY.)


Anonymous said...

And these child minions and PTA parents have repopulated themselves all over northern Virginia where they are waiting to help your child out of the bosom of the family and into the bowels of public education. It's nefarious, I tell ya!
- Work Sarah

Anonymous said...

I love it! I feel like I am dropping him off at a Fancy Hotel. "Good morning Beck. Checking in? May we help you with your bag?"

I'm not crazy, just well mixed! said...

Kindergarten? I can't even imagine dropping her off at school. I'm just trying to comprehend the fact that she'll be 1 (ONE!) in a few weeks.