Monday, April 20, 2009

Shit

Advice, please.

In an effort to insert some physical activity into my day, I take the stairs to the pumping room. It's not a lot, but the 89 steps from the second to the fifth floor of my office building assuage the guilt about my other unhealthy habits.

I've gotten better at the stairs, but I can't make it to the fifth floor without huffing and puffing. After all this time, 89 steps still suck. I've found that those 89 steps suck later into the trip than they did at first - I'm gasping between the fourth and fifth floors now instead of by the third floor, so go me - but they still suck. I don't think I'll ever make it all the way up without regretting my stupid decision not to take the elevator - which is RIGHT THERE GODDAMMIT.

So here's my problem: there are bathrooms in the stairwell. Bathrooms that always stink. If, by some stroke of luck, some dude has not just dropped a bomb in the second floor men's room, someone will surely have just laid some pipe in the third floor men's room.

I've tried varying the time of day I leave to pump, to no avail. The next closest stairwell only goes the the fourth floor, meaning I would have to backtrack to get to the fifth floor stairwell - where the waftage awaits.

I know I'm going to be breathing hard by the time I get to the fifth floor - which is unpleasant enough when you're not sucking in colon fumes - so when I walk through that stairwell door and am hit in the face with the aftermath of last night's Bud Light and chicken wings, I am REALLY. NOT. HAPPY.

Look. I get that poop happens. Poop happens during the workday. I'm probably not going to have much luck redirecting all the guys on the hall to take their dumps in another toilet. Ditto the dudes upstairs. But maybe we can find them some air freshener? Or a candle, maybe?

What are my options here?

6 comments:

Em said...

eewww. Can you take a different stairwell?

Misfit Hausfrau said...

Are they unisex bathrooms? Women just don't DO that at work. Usually.

Aunt Bob said...

Have you tried a note to the nurse?

Tracey said...

Could you hang a car air freshener around your neck?

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

You could hold freshly cut lemons on your way up... or carry febreeze around with you.

I'd say light matches, but I don't think that would go over very well where you work.

Violet said...

I don't get how some people can simply choose not to poo at work. How do they keep it in all day? Surely it's not healthy and will lead to constipation?

I have 2 suggestions - ask the maintenance folks to leave cans of air freshener in every toilet; wear a face mask when you do the stairs (y'know, the kind you see cyclists wearing on the streets of Bejing).