Christmas at the Lumpyheads

We got rid of my family just in time for Bump's family to show up. The arrival of Bump's mom and stepdad as well as his sister, her husband, their three kids and a stray nephew necessitated the use of a Kids Table - a concept we are still working out. Lumpyhead and Lula normally sit in high chairs, which confines them and their mess to a designated spatter area. A Kids Table in another room invites spilling and trouble, and begets constant yelps for "milk!" and "more potatoes!" and "Lula is putting her spoon in my water glass again."

Last night while the rest of the adults were eating their dinner, I parked myself beside the inhabitants of the Kids Table. I'd gotten up from my meal for the fourth time to fill yet another request, and decided to wait the little buggers out and eat after they were finished.

Predictably, Lumpyhead began screwing around in his seat. Even more predictably, he tipped over.

"What was that!?!" came the alarmed cries from adults in the dining room.

"Oh, Lumpyhead just fell out of his chair," I grumbled as I picked him up, "because he wasn't sitting in it."

"What was I sitting on?" Lumpyhead asked earnestly.

I was so surprised by the question I was left to sputter something about not sitting on his bottom in his chair, like he was supposed to, and made a mental note to be more literal in the future with my inadvertent smartass.

Hope your holidays are/were merry.

Two Weeks, Redux

Two weeks from today, I will be back at work.

I have no business complaining. I got way more than the 12 weeks traditionally allowed, and I have a stay-home spouse. We've been living like lottery winners since August (well, lottery winners without a huge wad of cash).

I went back to the office for a couple of days in early December to attend meetings. I found that being at work is much less awful than imagining being at work. Still, I'm dreading it.

In fact, what the hell am I doing talking to you people? I've got a baby to cuddle.

Edited to add: I think all the cuddling pissed the baby off. He seems to be ready for me to go back to work and quit bugging him.

I Wish I Knew How To Quit You, Sears Portrait Studio

It's our own fault, really.

We know that taking the kids to Sears to have portraits done is a total crapshoot. Either you will get a very personable photographer who captures great shots of your kids, or you will get some dumbass who can barely push the button on a camera.

Today we rolled snake eyes. We SO lost.

Of course the other photographer on duty was great. She jumped up and down and used silly voices and played peek-a-boo. Our photographer shook a stuffed animal and suggested the kids look at the camera.

The little room was hot. Lumpyhead kept picking at his face. Lula jumped up after the third flash and announced she was all done. Nathan Jr couldn't hold his head up for very long and we couldn't trust the other two to hold him.

Every time I have an experience like this I vow I will never return. But then I realize I got three pictures I can photoshop into a half-way decent portrait for less than $70.

My Parents Are Visiting Again

When Lumpyhead has fabulous bedhead, his father tells him "Your hair is banging, Buddy."

This morning Lumpyhead was sporting a pretty crazy hairdo, so my mother asked him "What is going on with your hair?"

"It's banging," Lumpyhead told her.

My mother was . . . confused.